Mystic Writer

Peeking out to see if there is a real world out there...

Sunday, November 07, 2004


At the beginning there was a fortress where I hid and repelled all who came near. At times it seemed I was encysted, walling myself off to prevent further injury. Now the metaphor that seems most apt is a cocoon or an egg. In either case, I feel like I'm creating a whole new me - the shell or cocoon or shield or walls or whatever you want to call the excess flesh I buried myself in now feels separate. I feel like I can face the world directly, or at least the new body I feel growing underneath this fleshy drape of clothes will be able to face the world directly.

I can run my hands down my body now, feel the cords and taut muscle, feel the animal urge rise up, bigger than I remember, more potent. I've lost only half the weight I need to lose, but the rest will go as easily as the first.

There is nothing normal here.

My walk today started out frustrated - the place I wanted to walk was closed for hunting, and I had to go an additional 15 miles to a place both rugged and big enough to fill my needs. As always fate led me to what I needed. The hike progressed upwards along cracked black stone - a jumble of house sized boulders that I threaded at a pace just short of a run. I was feeling pressed for time and the loss of half an hour spurred me to rush my walk.

The stone comforted me in ways I can't really tell and the dance of my feet as I hopped and scrambled from rock point to cracked ledge upward was an amazing physical sensation I'd long forgotten. My body and spirit were fully into the hike, and the intricacies of the footing pulled my mind into synch.

The apex of the climb overlooked a gorge with frothing river cutting below. The path angled back and followed the sheer edge for a ways before folding up to a secondary ridge a couple hundred feet higher. The wind was bitter cold and brought feelings of connection with a wondrous friend. I floated through the hike, finishing the 6 miles in an hour and a half. All the leaves are on the ground exposing endless scenes of rock and river and sky, and hiding the trail entirely.

A wonderful day hiking today.


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