Mystic Writer

Peeking out to see if there is a real world out there...

Friday, February 20, 2009

I'd like to teach the world to sing

I knew we were in trouble when John Kay started booming out of the speakers. My brother looked up from his UNO cards, his gaze going from bleary to aware to scarily animated. We finished off the hand as the phonograph needle drifted into the black hole between songs, then "Magic Carpet Ride" started playing. My cousin Ad and I exchanged glances, rolling our eyes as my brother leaped to his feet "Gotta drive! Let's go to a bar!".

We didn't even try to argue, simply tilting back our beers to finish them off. I decided I'd ride with Ad and Annie, as Annie hadn't been drinking and I hoped they would have the sense to let her drive.

We were barely in the car with Annie behind the wheel when my brothers van rocketed out of his driveway in reverse. He pulled a Rockford out onto the road, and Annie floored it as my brother took off on the straight highway through the cornfields. "Where is he going?" she asked, and Ad looked back at me from the passengers seat. "I have no idea..." I replied "... better not lose him", and I giggled, more than a little pie eyed. Ad joined in for no apparent reason, and Annie briefly looked at the car ceiling, then settled into a determined pursuit of my brothers rapidly fleeing tail lights.

We passed a tiny county road just in time to see the police car's lights start flashing, and Annie was already pulling over by the time the officer made it out to the highway.

The cruisers headlights shone through the back window, brilliantly lighting Ad and Annie's heads. Annie was digging in her purse, and Ad was trying to not look back at me, little giggles slipping past his compressed lips. I was trying hard to look sober as the officer glanced into my window, but I couldn't help flashing my best grin when I realized the officer was female. The grin went away when she put her hand on her pistol.

Annie rolled down the window and the cop leaned in, catching a whiff and pulling back a little, saying "Somebody's been drinking in this car...". I quickly replied "That's me officer!" while Ad proudly stated "I'm completely hammered, ma'am", and then he glared back at me. Ad can be a bit competitive.

The policewoman looked at Ad for a bit, and he put on a grin, probably intended to be charming. She looked grim, then looked back at me and faced another smile, I having decided that a little weaponry kind of spiced up my fantasy.

I saw a little disbelieving head shake, and then the officer looked at Annie's drivers license - "How about you ... Anne. Have you been drinking?". "No ma'am." Annie replied "I'm pregnant". The officer again looked at Ad and myself, this time even more grim, and said "Anne, I need to give you a little test as I can't really tell if you've been drinking because of ...", and she waved her hand vaguely. I gave a tiny wave back, just in case. Her hand moved towards her baton this time. I lost my grin, a little disappointed as I'd been hoping for the handcuffs.

"Anne, I'd like you to say the alphabet for me". Annie nodded, bit her lip, and started "A, B, C...", by "C" Annie had started to tentatively sing a little, "D, E...". I quietly started to sing along. Ad glared at me again, then joined in, a little louder than me. I upped my volume to match, and after a moment Annie seemed to get in the spirit of things. Ad started to harmonize, so I did too, and when we got to the final letter we finished in three part harmony with a triumphal singing of "Z!".

The officer had a slightly dazed expression as she looked at Ad, then slowly back at me, then finally to Annie "There is nothing I can do that is worse than what you already have to put up with. Please, drive a little slower...". She walked back to her cruiser, pointedly ignoring my waving, and as she drove past us still parked on the side of the road, we heard her yell "I feel so sorry for yooooouu...".


  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger Bob-kat said…

    This reminds me of a few outings when I was a teen. I didn't drive so I was always the one singing in the back.

    Netchick sent me to say hi!

  • At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Chris Mathieson said…

    I definitely seem myself in your story, too. (Always the driver, though... was a tea-totaller until I was 25 or so). At least it wasn't rounds of Row Row Row Your Boat... heh.

    NetChick sent me, of course. :)


  • At 12:33 PM, Anonymous Andrew Hudson said…

    Great song to have in my head for the rest of the day. :)

    Hello, Michele NetChick sent me.

  • At 9:23 PM, Anonymous colleen said…

    I thought they would have asked to recite the alphabet backwards.

    I like the Rockford touch at the end.

    I drove over from Netchick's.

  • At 1:54 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said…

    That was probably the highlight of the officer's day! It made me laugh- thanks

  • At 6:15 AM, Blogger rashbre said…

    Very amusing and a great ending. Good to see the police had a suitable sense of humour. Here from NetChick's to say "Hi".

  • At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Tanya (aka NetChick) said…

    What a fun story :) Like Colleen, I thought it would be backwards too. Thanks for another fun tale!

    I sent myself by to see your lovely self tonight... Have an awesome Sunday!

  • At 11:15 PM, Blogger David said…

    just following Netchick here, i once was doing 93 on a road between fields, the only thing faster than my rental car was a pheasant that flew across the road, Blurrrrr.

  • At 11:46 AM, Blogger Mike Althouse said…

    My adventures (or misadventures) involving alcohol and other like substances came to an end quite some time ago, but I did not forget (mostly).

    I have found myself in almost identical circumstances - and the outcome was always a mystery, though hardly a surprise. It was either that I was let go or I got to spend the night with the county... with countless variations on layered on top.

    I consider myself lucky that I never killed myself or anyone else. And I'm still alive to talk to my kids about how stupid I used to be. Not that they would draw anything from it, necessarily...

    Nobody sent me today, came over all by myself!


  • At 7:23 AM, Blogger David said…

    "a little disappointed as I'd been hoping for the handcuffs."
    you are a riot.

  • At 9:03 AM, Blogger David said…

    miss you, old friend, what have you been up to?
    Happy thanksgiving 2010 style


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