Mystic Writer

Peeking out to see if there is a real world out there...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Ephemeral



The weeks long blanket of clouds blew away last night and I followed my feelings to hike in a flood plain between limestone cliffs.

The light filtered through the tiny new leaves on the awakening trees and gently lit the blossoms covering the valley floor.
Spring has sprung
At this time of year there is a short period, a couple days at most, where the ground isn't frozen and the leaves are not yet out. In heavily wooded areas a class of flowers bloom in this period - appropriately enough they are called ephemerals. The blossoms and the light on the forest floor combine to make a transcendent beauty, made all the more poignant by the rarity of the time.

The long winter of my marriage is over.

On Saturday night I told my wife I thought we should begin the process of separating our lives. Her first reaction was arguing and telling me all the things wrong about my request. Later, spent, we comforted each other and I found myself crying, great shuddering barks of pain racking my body and she held me and tried to tell me it would be all right.

We've started working out the details, talking about financial issues and most importantly how to continue loving and supporting our children as parents who just can't live together.

I feel really close to her - this blossoming of emotion is beautiful and rewarding, and yet I know it is as ephemeral as the flowers I so gently walked through last night. It is a time to be treasured and then let go.

We've stated our goals: I want us to be friends and mutually supporting champions of our children, living separately and probably with new partners. She wants to take this time to figure out what has gone wrong and try to remake our relationship into something more equal and viable. We both agree that a new start is desperately needed for both of us.

I'm happy with either outcome, although I have no hope for the latter and I've told her that often enough in the last days that she knows I'm not playing games.

I'm breathing easier than I have for a long time, even though sadness lurks in every remembrance.

I let the sadness flow through me, let it touch me but not hold me. It is as ephemeral as everything else.

Spring blossoms

32 Comments:

  • At 9:59 AM, Blogger Pandammonium said…

    Thanks for your comment on my blog; from reading the most recent couple of entries in yours, I can see why it appeals.

    Hope it goes well, and keep taking the photos. They're beautiful.

     
  • At 10:29 AM, Blogger melodyann said…

    The photos ARE beautiful, just as is everything you write. I am so hopeful for your future....

     
  • At 12:18 PM, Blogger Me said…

    MW,
    So brave, so heartrending, and so very sad. It is so hard when the one person to whom one looks for comfort is in equal pain. I wish you both so much hope for the future. I have discovered that there is life after divorce and I am sure, after the pain of grief and rebirth, that you will both find that new happiness.

    Thinking of you,

    Ochemma

     
  • At 12:52 PM, Blogger El-Branden Brazil said…

    I also divorced a few years ago. It is a very tough, emotional process that is different for every couple. My divorce occurred just one week short of our first anniversary. All the joy that we had on the wedding day, was still fresh in my memory. For me the most painful aspect was the disappointment and failure of it all, as well as the realisation of how stupid I was to have hurried into marriage.

    I wish you all the best in you discovery of a new, fresh life.

     
  • At 2:38 PM, Blogger phoenix said…

    One can only hope that all turns out for the best for both of you. It seems that a lot of couples are better off being just friends.

    It is very sad when the parents use their children against each other to bicker and fight. You can sleep better with the knowledge that this is not going to be your case. Your kids will still grow up knowing both parents love them enough to stay in their lives.

    You will be sad and torn for a while, and then when you least expect it the smiles will return. If you keep faith all will turn out okay.

     
  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    It's great to see that you are making strides in some direction - seemingly the right one for both of you. It is so painful. I hope that writing is helping you through it.

     
  • At 7:53 PM, Blogger Mrs. Darling said…

    This is so very sad. I still say that divorce is never the answer. But it's your life so there's not much else to comment on. It's naother marriage to add to the increasing divorce stastitics. Sad.

     
  • At 3:01 AM, Blogger Nicky said…

    Mrs Darling's comment about "divorce is NEVER the answer" ?? I don't agree with that. Divorce can mean freedom, relief, peace of mind, getting away from an abusive partner. Why stay with someone who makes you miserable every single day? Life is too short for that.

     
  • At 5:23 AM, Anonymous Thunderpants said…

    Mrs. Darling is right about 1 thing - it is sad. But isn't is sadder still if one is staying in a miserable marriage or relationship for all of the wrong reasons? You need to be happy with, and for, yourself - and I think you will be. It's not gonna be easy or a "fast acting formula" either, but it sounds like you've done most of the hardest things already. You've lifted up your head and are ready to carry on with your life. Mrs. Darling's head is still in the sand. Luv the pix.

     
  • At 5:12 AM, Blogger mrsmogul said…

    It takes nature to bring you back to how great life is and that there is a new beginning. It will get better!

     
  • At 5:22 AM, Blogger mw said…

    Mrs. Darling: Thank you for trying to find a nice box to stuff me in - I have to confess I'm not feeling all that comfortable in here, but I appreciate your efforts. I *am* glad you've found a box that fits you so well.

    Thank you for your comment.

     
  • At 5:49 AM, Blogger Tammy said…

    Beautiful photos and writing...good luck to you and your family. Things generally eventually work out in the end, right?

    Oh, Michele sent me!

     
  • At 6:27 AM, Blogger Shannin said…

    Great photos, and a very touching post. I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is ending, but it sounds like maybe this is the start of something fresh for you. Good luck.

    I'm here via Michele.

     
  • At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Lucy Jane said…

    Hello, Michele sent me.

    You have been honest with your wife and honest with yourself, you two will be fine.

     
  • At 6:51 AM, Anonymous lu said…

    What gorgeous and honest writing! I'm glad I bumped into you over at Michelle's. With your permission, I'd love to add you to my crushroll.

    Wishing you all the best,
    lu

     
  • At 6:51 AM, Blogger Suzanne said…

    Divorce is never an easy fast process no matter if you are the one initiating or not. It's emotional, difficult, but often times...necessary. You seem like you are handling it with maturity and care and that's important.
    you write beautifully. My best to the both of you...

     
  • At 7:05 AM, Blogger Finn said…

    Beautiful pictures and such sad words. I'm sorry for what you're going through; I hope all works out for the best for all of you.

    It's a very brave thing you're doing, admitting it's not working and starting over when it's so painful to do so. But it seems that you both care for each other a great deal, and that will carry over onto your future relationship and to your kids.

    I wish you luck. ((hugs))

    Oh, and Hi! Michele sent me.

     
  • At 7:27 AM, Blogger Candace said…

    Much love to you and your family.
    (Oh, and Michele sent me).

     
  • At 7:28 AM, Blogger Me said…

    MW,
    Hi again. Haven't heard from you for a while and I love your writing so missing it....

    *hugs*

    Ochemma

    oh, and Michele sent me...
    (but I was thrilled to come along!)

     
  • At 7:32 AM, Blogger ShoeHound said…

    I hope everything works out for you.

    I stopped by via Michele's.

     
  • At 8:10 AM, Blogger panthergirl said…

    here via michele... Oh, I can relate SO MUCH to what you've written here. I have been divorced three times...for three very different reasons...but it is NEVER easy, always sad, but for me it was certainly the answer. Each time.

    My daughter from my first marriage is now almost 20, and she has thanked me many times for making the decision to divorce her dad (she was 2). She has even said that if it weren't for the divorce, she wouldn't have the half siblings she loves so much now... Good things DO come from bad things.

    No children from the second (brief) marriage, but we are still good friends.

    Third divorce was the hardest, because I couldn't believe I was in another failed marriage. But serious mental and substance abuse issues forced my hand (when you have to call the police, you really need to look hard at the situation). My son from that marriage was 5, and very upset, but it was still the right thing to do.

    I remained close friends with #3 as well. My children are happy and healthy (see my blog for evidence!), and yours will be too.

    Screw "Mrs. Darling". She hasn't a clue.

     
  • At 8:34 AM, Anonymous BlogCruiser said…

    You post some great photos and are very descriptive with your writing!

    Hello, Michele sent me

     
  • At 8:46 AM, Blogger Jennifer said…

    I stopped by to thank you for visiting my blog today. Instead I was stopped in my tracks by your very powerful post. I wish you well, and luck. And much happiness to come in the end.

     
  • At 9:17 AM, Anonymous chatty said…

    I am here from the game on Michele's site. I am sorry to read this. I hope it continues to go well for you.

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger Thumper said…

    :::hands over chocolate:::

    Here, I think you need this more than me. Chocolate won't fix it, but it might make ya feel better for 5 minutes :)

    Michele sent me today (even tho ya are on my blogroll... ;) )

     
  • At 12:00 PM, Blogger Angie said…

    You are a wonderful writer. Very captivating. I also so enjoy your photos. Good luck to you in the future.

    I'm visiting via Michele.

     
  • At 12:10 PM, Blogger Peri said…

    Hello, I'm here by way of Michele...
    What an amazing gift for writing you have.
    All I can say is "life is short" and some say marraige is like a ministry........because to succeed, you must be willing to give more of yourself than you want to. When we say we love someone, what responsibility does that require?
    I'm twice divorced.
    Best to you and good luck

     
  • At 4:58 PM, Blogger Pandammonium said…

    Who on earth is this Michele?!

     
  • At 7:56 AM, Anonymous lu said…

    Hi, MW, just popping back in to say thanks for adding me to your roll...I'm beyond flattered. In fact, I have been busy gushing about you over at my place...it's embarrassing really. ; )

     
  • At 7:26 PM, Blogger Jay said…

    It's tough. No matter how much one realizes that a marriage is over, it's tough to start the long scary process of divorce. I just ended my process and I wish you well on yours. One thing that comforted me was that I wanted to end my own marriage with some good feelings of the past few years and toward my ex-wife. If I had waited, we would have parted eventually, but probably as bitter enemies.

    Take care. My thoughts are with you.

     
  • At 1:52 AM, Blogger 8709 said…

    Interesting blog you have here, I landed here on accident. I was searcing for something else and came across your site. I found it pretty interesting and entertaining. I got you book marked.

    I will pop back in from time to time to see what you have new here.

    My site is a bit different than yours, but just as entertaining and educational, I run a mens male enhancement reviews related site pertaining to mens male enhancement reviews related articles.

     
  • At 12:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi,

    I was just looking around the net for web sites related to mother son relationship and came across your blog. I was going to add a blog to my site, for mother son relationship and of course other related material, but I'm not sure if it would work.
    I'm a bit worried about getting un-wanted 'rude' posts rather than ones related to mother son relationship on my site...... perhaps I just try it out - then you can come and post on it :)

    Take care
    Stewart

     

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