Right Turn, Clyde
I've realized I'm not able to write the story I started in my last post yet. I'm having trouble getting the significance of the time put into prose - I can see the flow of events in my mind and how the little currents pushed and pulled me, but I can't detail it yet in a way that makes the significant things obvious. I'll go back to it in a while.
I thought things were slowly deepening with TB and I was terribly hurt when she let me know that she intended to move far away in 18 months and as far as I could tell she had never considered how it would affect me. Actually that's not quite true - in retrospect I've realized she thought I would be happy for her, which is a reasonable expectation since it is now obvious she considers me as just a friend. I've always been excited for her whenever she pursues an opportunity for growth, and I'm guessing I hurt her when I reacted in fear rather than support.
Tonight I'll call her and apologize for my fear and let her know I'm happy for her. I've started working on my head to move her out of the romantic category and into the friend category so I can make that statement true. No matter what the reality is, it will be good for me to adopt a more stable stance.
I've gotten wonderful support from my far flung friends Melody, Nicky, and Corky. Melody has been entertaining me and keeping me from sinking, Nicky has been writing beautiful prose about relationships that keeps me hopeful and moving forward, and Corky has made me think about what the realities are as well as providing me with hope for my future. I don't think I can say how deeply I've been affected by your friendships - suffice it to say that I am overwhelmingly grateful.
Tomorrow I'll see Corky for the first time in a year - we both have had monumental changes in our lives and it will be interesting to see how those changes have manifested themselves. Corky, my cousin-in-law Henry, and myself have been going camping spring and fall for many years now and Corky missed his first one last October. I was afraid I would never see him again which made me sad, but events conspired and now our friendship is much stronger than ever. There is a lesson there.
Henry is married to my cousin Reb - it seems like he has been my true friend forever although I think it's closer to 12 years. He and Reb were destined to meet, a story I would like to tell on my blog as an example of the machinations of fate - I'll ask him tomorrow if he minds. Reb and I were probably born identical (well, other than that small little sex thing...) but diverged as our lives progressed. At the base level we still feel largely the same about things and it is obvious to me why Henry and Reb are together.
Henry, Corky, and I start drinking and talking from the moment we converge on our camping spot and we don't stop either until we part a couple days later. There is some 'guy' talk but there is a lot more and I am incredibly excited about the upcoming weekend.
When TB moves away she will be another of my far flung friends. I'm hoping the closeness I feel for her continues and grows, as it has with all the other friends I've talked about in this post.
So, how far away are your closest friends?
I thought things were slowly deepening with TB and I was terribly hurt when she let me know that she intended to move far away in 18 months and as far as I could tell she had never considered how it would affect me. Actually that's not quite true - in retrospect I've realized she thought I would be happy for her, which is a reasonable expectation since it is now obvious she considers me as just a friend. I've always been excited for her whenever she pursues an opportunity for growth, and I'm guessing I hurt her when I reacted in fear rather than support.
Tonight I'll call her and apologize for my fear and let her know I'm happy for her. I've started working on my head to move her out of the romantic category and into the friend category so I can make that statement true. No matter what the reality is, it will be good for me to adopt a more stable stance.
I've gotten wonderful support from my far flung friends Melody, Nicky, and Corky. Melody has been entertaining me and keeping me from sinking, Nicky has been writing beautiful prose about relationships that keeps me hopeful and moving forward, and Corky has made me think about what the realities are as well as providing me with hope for my future. I don't think I can say how deeply I've been affected by your friendships - suffice it to say that I am overwhelmingly grateful.
Tomorrow I'll see Corky for the first time in a year - we both have had monumental changes in our lives and it will be interesting to see how those changes have manifested themselves. Corky, my cousin-in-law Henry, and myself have been going camping spring and fall for many years now and Corky missed his first one last October. I was afraid I would never see him again which made me sad, but events conspired and now our friendship is much stronger than ever. There is a lesson there.
Henry is married to my cousin Reb - it seems like he has been my true friend forever although I think it's closer to 12 years. He and Reb were destined to meet, a story I would like to tell on my blog as an example of the machinations of fate - I'll ask him tomorrow if he minds. Reb and I were probably born identical (well, other than that small little sex thing...) but diverged as our lives progressed. At the base level we still feel largely the same about things and it is obvious to me why Henry and Reb are together.
Henry, Corky, and I start drinking and talking from the moment we converge on our camping spot and we don't stop either until we part a couple days later. There is some 'guy' talk but there is a lot more and I am incredibly excited about the upcoming weekend.
When TB moves away she will be another of my far flung friends. I'm hoping the closeness I feel for her continues and grows, as it has with all the other friends I've talked about in this post.
So, how far away are your closest friends?
posted by mw @ 4:22 AM
4 Comments:
At 9:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
For a long while my closest friends have lived quite far from me. My dearest friends from here in the province I live in are a fair distance away, meaning we see each other infrequently and my dearest friends in the world live quite farther. My last romantic relationship was with a girl from Georgia (the state, nearly 2,000 miles away) and my closest friendship now is with someone the same distance away (the two live not far apart). I've never felt a lack of closeness with friends who lived a distance from me. I've always worked to find the time to communicate with them and strengthen relationships. I don't see any obsticle as too great when it comes to true friendship. I hope you'll find the same fortune with TB.
In response to your comment in my journal, thanks for sharing your meditation experience. I've found mosquito attacks to be very detrimental to meditation. My first attempt at meditation was actually in a forest where I was attacked by a swarm of them and completely unable to focus. Certainly being on high hill would be dangerous when having an assault on your ear.
At 1:53 PM,
letti said…
i can safely say that my closest friends right now ( other than my fiance and his family ) are literally half way across the globe from me. *sigh*
At 12:35 PM,
The Narcissist said…
Too far - a whole country away. But new bloggy friends feel closer than they. Strange how I know the daily goings on of the internet friends more intimately than those I've known for years and years. It's hard to replace the best friends you've ever known, hard to be 3000 miles away.
At 8:53 AM,
erl said…
the country seems so large sometimes. my three best friends all live in different cities, two of whom require a plane ride to get to. Sometimes I miss them so much i could scream.
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