Mystic Writer

Peeking out to see if there is a real world out there...

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

A dip

She stopped talking and I rolled to look at her "I believe in visions...". My statement didn't seem to help her nerves but she continued "On my first day of high school I walked into the auditorium with Sherrie, Cara, and Darla, and I saw you at the far side, talking with Jeff and Kirk...". She hesitated again and I interjected "The same people that were at the New Years party". That seemed to actually make her more nervous and I decided it was time for me to be quiet and look encouraging.

"Oh yeah. That's right." she said "Anyway, I saw you talking and laughing and you smiled in a certain way, and suddenly it seemed like I had seen that smile a million times before, I felt like I had known it and you forever. The echoes of you were everywhere in my memory. Without thought, I said 'I'm going to marry you someday'. The moment ended and my friends were curious to know what had just happened. They said it was pretty creepy...".

She trailed off and we looked at each other. The nervous look took on a different character and she said "I know you now, and I know I really want that to happen". I watched the nervousness return and with only emotion guiding me I replied "I want that to happen too".

We held each other and after a long time eased back to cloud watching. I asked "What thought did you have when I mentioned the party?". The answer didn't come and as I turned to look at her, I got it. "It was a setup?" I laughed incredulously. She looked a little stricken and said "I kept waiting and waiting for us to meet and it never happened. You met Darla and I think talked to Sherrie, but you never seemed to see me. When you went off to college I didn't know what to do and so Darla and I decided on the New Years party." She again trailed off.

I assured her that I was very happy with her setting up the party and that I was more than a little flattered. We decided to use my class ring as a placeholder for an engagement ring as we were both absolutely broke and I was struggling to pay for college. We decided to wait until we had graduated before we married.

Slowly the realization that I was with the woman I was going to marry rose upwards from my sorely underutilized parts, and I convinced myself that I could be true to my resolve and still have sex. We were both virgins and it started out painfully but rapidly improved and soon it was adding a lot of joy to our already happy relationship.

The months piled up and at the end of my sophomore year I decided to take an electrical engineering internship. It meant that I had to take 9 months worth of credits in 6 months and it also meant I was working 6 months for a minimal wage. I took a second job doing factory work and a third doing janitorial. Our relationship was put on the back burner and the only time we saw each other was in between jobs. We used the little time we had to have sex.

Sometime during that summer her stepfather sustained a pretty devastating facial injury and was put on disability. He became increasingly depressed and goofy, and sometime in the early fall he started getting violent.

Karen's mother and I had become pretty close and Karen and her asked me to be there when she asked her husband for a divorce. I stood there looking big during the confrontation and when he started to look frustrated and violent I somehow managed not to look scared and asked him to 'please, just leave'.

I started staying at Karen's house to provide some protection. Karen and I set up a little apartment in the basement with our meager furnishings. I became increasingly a part of the family as I got to know all of her relatives. I finished my academic quarter in the spring and started my work quarter in the summer.

My boss was Roland Green and he apparently had come straight from hell to make my life miserable. He didn't want me in his department and he gave me every reason to avoid him. It was terrible and I brought my troubles home with me. Karen was also having a pretty rocky time with academic troubles and the divorce and we weren't able to support each other.

As summer came to a close we had an enormous fight and we decided to take a break from each other. The understanding was that we would stay engaged but give ourselves a couple months of being mostly out of contact so we could sort out our troubles.

I packed my stuff, kissed her tenderly and tearfully said "I'll see you in a couple of months...".


  • At 7:20 AM, Blogger Faye said…

    Is this fiction? Just your blog, by the way!

  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger mw said…

    It is completely true, at least within the limits of 20 year old memories. This is the first time I've ever written this down and it has been a revelation to me in many ways.

    Thank you for the encouragement Faye. I really appreciate it.


  • At 11:01 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    I am de-lurking myself...just wanted to say that I have enjoyed your writing...just a quiet observer...keep up the good stuff


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