Mystic Writer

Peeking out to see if there is a real world out there...

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Mating rituals



Last night I stood at the checkout at my local co-op. I had timed my purchase so it would seem natural that I would choose the line that led to the clerk I've been trying to meet.

She looked in my bag at the mass of lettuce, and as she paused I said "There's two heads of lettuce in there" - she nodded silently and started tapping keys - I continued "I'm trying that on the theory that two heads are better than one". The tapping stopped, and she slowly turned and met my eyes, a big grin forming. "That's funny" she laughed and I happily joined in. Her eyes lit up a little "You remind me of my Dad!".

I groaned "Oh my god, no", and, with wings sheared off I crashed and burned. I kept the happy grin, even improvised something that caused her to laugh again.

But I don't think I'll work very hard to get in that line again.

I've posted bio's on date.com and citypages and gotten a half dozen people expressing interest. I've gone out on two first dates and both women have been interesting and fun to talk to. I didn't have any intense feelings for either of them, and I'm pretty sure they felt that way too. In a way it's a nice re-introduction to dating. I had thought I might become friends with either or both of them as they had both asked if I would be open to that, but there doesn't seem to be much of a follow through - the e-mails and phone calls that preceeded the dates largely have ground to a halt. I'll give each of them another call and then decide on what I might want to do. I'm OK if nothing more happens.

I've been exchanging e-mails with a third woman - she is much more intense about exploring the depths of me and my spirituality, luckily something I truly enjoy talking about. We may be headed for meeting on Monday for a walk, and I'm really looking forward to it. I have no expectations and a friendship would be fine.

It's funny reading what I'm writing because I am really missing lovemaking. Making love is a storytelling - the slow unveiling, the gradual exploration, the growing excitement. I love being naked, twined legs and chest to breasts. I love varying the details of the story - coming up with new creations of physical fantasy, and I adore being surprised in turn. As anyone who reads this blog knows I take my time telling a story, and that's how I like to make love. Give me a long lazy afternoon, or an evening as the candles burn brightly down to puddles of wax. I like to take my time, explore every inch, every position. Pause to talk or silently hold. I want that again, and soon.

I guess I'm a little conflicted as to the goals of my dating, but I don't feel too bad about that. I have been blessed over and over again with finding the things I need, and I have faith that something will happen that will work for me. I *am* curious as to when and how and just a little impatient...

So, I've been out of the dating world for about 10 years - anybody have any suggestions?

27 Comments:

  • At 2:33 PM, Blogger 4tunit said…

    Well there is this 3 date rule ...

     
  • At 2:47 PM, Blogger mw said…

    OK, inside joke but I laughed so incredibly hard I thought I would pop.

    Care to expound?

    Thank you for that!

     
  • At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Ivy said…

    I'm far from one to give advice on dating or relationships. I can vent with you though..lol.. In time things will work out. You will find that special somebody that they say is out there for everyone.

     
  • At 1:52 AM, Blogger Nicky said…

    What happened to TB? Dare I ask? Don't tell me you didn't tell her or I'll take the next flight across the Atlantic to come and throttle you!

     
  • At 4:27 AM, Blogger melodyann said…

    I think you're doing just fine, mw....

     
  • At 5:23 AM, Blogger 4tunit said…

    The 3 date rule. If you are not getting physical by the 3rd date you are probably in the friend zone.

    Don't let any of this get you down MW. This is typical for most guys. Your positive attitude is what puts you above most guys. You are doing great!

     
  • At 5:48 AM, Anonymous lu said…

    Dating. *groan* One of the best things about being married is that you don't feel compelled to do it. ; )

    I'm curious too... what *did* happen with TB?

    OK, I used to hate it when happy couples would say to me, "Stop trying so hard. Love will find you when you aren't looking for it." But, I gotta tell you it's absolutely true. You are doing all the right things... nurturing yourself and feeling good about your choices and the new life you are creating. It won't be long before someone is gonna pick up on that vibe.

    In the meantime, I so hear you on the ache that comes with the absence of touch. I know it can be difficult to do so, but perhaps you can let it be ok to share that with one of the women you deem a friend. There is a lot to say for a friends with benefits relationship during the interim period of waiting for the "one" to arrive.

     
  • At 5:49 AM, Blogger Ally said…

    No real hits or tips I'm afraid :).

    But a female friend of mine has found that the internet dating game worked really well for her - it's fun, it helps you weed out the completely unsuitable before you even start ... even if it takes a while to find a perfect match.

    Good luck!

     
  • At 9:00 AM, Blogger mw said…

    I continue to talk with TB, and our friendship takes odd turns - I am not her closest confidant nor do we do things together, but our conversations tend to be extremely deep and weighty.

    She isn't involved with anyone and has hinted she isn't likely to be involved with anyone soon.

    I have largely stopped initiating conversations with her, and, probably not so surprisingly, she has increased her initiatings.

    How do I feel about her? If she asked me today to be her partner I would happily say yes.

    But she isn't going to ask and I can be a better friend by pursuing other paths at the moment.

    Fate has also played a few cards recently and as always I am absolutely amazed at the oddities that populate my life. TB and I are fated for something...

     
  • At 11:32 AM, Blogger puremood said…

    I'm not one to give suggestions, I don't think. I've been married the last 12 years and taken for the last 14. LOL Wishing you the best. Hello, from Michele.

     
  • At 11:41 AM, Blogger Nic said…

    Ooooh, I like your description of making love. As a writer, this appeals to me very much. Nicely done!

    Hi from Michele's.

     
  • At 1:01 PM, Blogger kenju said…

    I've been out of the dating world for 41 years - so I'm not a good person to ask. Dr. Joy Browne has a 1 year rule; she says you shouldn't date for 1 year after you are divorced. I guess that's out of the question, huh?

    Michele sent me.

     
  • At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Leanne said…

    MW, the cashier likes you. Don't feel discouraged about her yet (unless you don't care to remind her of her dad?)! In my opinion, if she laughed and said that, she obviously has loving thoughts of her father. If that's the case, she lived with him for many years and they got along well, right?

    Go on, get back in that line and ask her out, I bet she says yes, and I bet the two of you are as comfortable together as a pair of comfy shoes!

    (I should put a disclaimer here, just in case, but I won't, cause I have women's intuition about this.)

    :)

     
  • At 1:49 PM, Blogger Bluegrass Mama said…

    Hi, Michele sent me.

     
  • At 1:51 PM, Blogger mw said…

    Thank you Leanne - I've just recently gone gray, the result of a selective cutting by a seriously maladjusted stylist who cleverly removed the copious blonde hair and left me with gray - oddly copious as well. So the whole dad thing hit right in the weak spot of my ego. I appreciate the perspective and I'll follow your intuition - now all I need is a really funny eggplant line...

     
  • At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Leanne said…

    MW, I know that you've been through a lot, and it's been a while since you've dated, but let me tell you a little secret - girls love men with a touch of gray. It's very distinguished looking in my opinion, so don't go getting that whole aged mindset, please?! I can't imagine you'd be attracted to someone without it being mutual; and with your sense of humor, I can't imagine she wouldn't want to laugh an evening away in your company.

     
  • At 5:25 AM, Blogger Cat said…

    Hey there Michele sent me!
    wow, I havent dated in 18yrs! wish I could give you some advice, but a bit rusty!
    goodluck!

     
  • At 6:05 AM, Blogger Indigo said…

    no suggestions here, I've been out of the dating world for 10-1/2 years.

    Hello, good morning, Michele sent me.

     
  • At 6:10 AM, Blogger Beanhead said…

    No suggestions here been out of the loop for 13 years. Hope #3 turns out to be something more for you.
    Here via Michele today!

     
  • At 6:21 AM, Blogger RC said…

    Sometimes people say stupid things, because I always do, don't know why, but it always make sally laugh, like the time I asked her if her eyes are ok after she walked into a locker, but she got her eyes fixed before sh could turn into a cyclops.

    Anyways, maybe what that girl at the register said was a mistake, or when she said it she didn't mean to turn you off or hurt your feelings, I think. I would keep going to her line, unless there's a person standing there that smells worse than my grandma.

    I don't have any good ideas, just go out and have fun. I'm sure the right girl will come along, or walk into a wall locker, then your set!

    I hope you have a nice weekend, MW!

     
  • At 8:42 AM, Anonymous Zee said…

    No advice or dating tips, as I have given it up entirely. Just don't seem to have any luck with dating so I've stopped even looking.

    But that said, I wanted to say thanks for swinging by my blog earlier! I've enjoyed poking through your site.

     
  • At 3:33 PM, Anonymous Melissa in TN said…

    I really enjoy your writing and photos. I found your blog through melodayann's.

    I'm just wondering if TB really just wants to be friends especially since she is increasing her contact with you. Are you absolutely sure she knows you are interested? Does she know about your dates?

    By the way, as I read your blog I was curious if you'd ever been to the Garden of the Gods in Southern Illinois? It seems like your kind of place.

    http://www.backpackcamp.com/GardenOfTheGods.html

     
  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger sidhe said…

    hello, mystic writer! When I read the first paragraph, I thought "ouch"! Thanks for the male perspective; for women of a certain age we talk of an "invisible age" and most of the time I feel like I'm in it (although I was pretty damn tickled to get a wolf whistle last week, first time in years! There's just something so healthy about a wolf whistle). During the invisible age, the clerks never meet your eyes at all, no matter how clever you may be.

    I don't think I ever dated; I just floated on this sensuous swell (on the ocean of love, baby!) for a couple of decades. It was great! But, doesn't make for good advice-giving (what am I going to say to my daughters!!?) But if I ever do dip my toes in again, I'll remember 4tunit's 3 date rule - does it apply to guys only?

    Between your forays, come visit my site - the mystery quiz answer is posted. I know, it's hard to contain one's excitement.

     
  • At 12:58 PM, Blogger Minerva said…

    I, on behalf of the Best Blog administrators would like to invite you to apply for membership of the ring. Please go to http://topblogsring.blogspot.com and click join to fill in a form to join.

     
  • At 6:29 AM, Blogger melodyann said…

    God, I'm so jealous of you. Best Blog? You should top the damn list.

    Get your behind back on here and post something.

    Inquiring minds want to know what's going on!

     
  • At 9:51 AM, Blogger sandegaye said…

    Hi MW.. I was invited to read your blog by Melodyann. What a treat! Your writing certainly paints a lovely picture on life's canvas.

    P/S I met my guy on Match.com. We were engaged a month after the 1st email, & married a month after that. It's worth a try..

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Blogger Carmi said…

    Be yourself. Send 'em to your blog: your writing alone should be enough to captivate a potential mate.

    Here via Michele's again.

     

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