Mystic Writer

Peeking out to see if there is a real world out there...

Friday, January 07, 2005

and horrible crash

The glittering tore through my brain and without thought I slid past Karen into her kitchen. Karen grabbed my arm as I went past but I twisted against her thumbs and easily broke the hold. He was tall, much taller than me. I stopped in a balanced stance and snapped my right hand back, wrist locked upwards. The idiot was still on the flats of his feet - he didn't have a clue what was going to happen. It wouldn't take any finesse at all.

Karen whimpered "MW, please don't hurt him". "Hurt him?" my brain replied and the sarcasm and his helplessness poisoned my gleeful image of destruction. Rage turned to frustration and I howled out the door, breaking into a full run.

I flew past a lake and thought I saw open water - I flipped the ring towards it and pounded on. Gradually I realized my cheap indoor shoes were starting to tear and I could feel my feet blistering. A small bit of sanity emerged and I turned towards my parents house, finally slipping on some ice and collapsing two miles short. I got to my feet and my legs started to cramp. I realized my car was back at Karen's and it was at least six miles away.

I spotted a pay phone and hobbled to it trying to decide who to call - I had only one dime. I thought of my mother and tried walking again. Nope. I called her: "Mom, could you come pick me up? I'm at the funeral home on Margaret". I silently pleaded for her to just say yes.

"Is your car broken? Maybe you could find someone to help you with it so it gets fixed right...".

"Mom, I just need a ride, my car is fine" I said, and after several more exchanges she agreed to come and get me.

I slumped to the ground and realized my toes were frozen from the snow and slush. I started shivering uncontrollably and it seemed an eternity before my mother arrived. She started the second I got in "Where is your car?".

"It's at Karens." I took a deep breath and continued "She broke up with me and I needed a walk to clear my head". "Did she give you your ring back? Where is it?" my mother asked, and I blurted "She did and I threw it away". Too late I remembered she had given me the ring for my high school graduation. She was furious and I consented to go look for it before she would bring me to my car.

The lake was far off the direct route between my parents house and Karens, and my mom started to accuse me of lying about my walking - I couldn't even have a mental breakdown in a way she approved of. My throw had been wimpy and the ring was lying on the ice a short way from shore. Mollified mom dropped me off at my car and drove off. I stood for a moment thinking about going back to Karens but realized nothing good could happen. I set off driving towards no destination.

After a while I realized I was still shivering and drove to my parents house where I had been staying since Karen and I separated. I slunk to the basement and tossed and twitched the sleepless night away. Work and school dragged in a black haze the next day and I realized I had to get some sleep. I grabbed a six pack of beer on the way home and drank it in bed. I couldn't force myself to eat anything.

Sleep didn't come. I turned on the TV until they played the national anthem and signed off. I turned off the lights and lay in darkness. I wanted to disappear. The phone rang in the other room and I ran and picked it up.

"MW, I'm so sorry - I don't know what's wrong with me. I miss you so much and I really need you. I want to see you. Can you come over..." Karen trailed off uncertainly. Drunk and exhausted I managed a "Now?...". She leapt into the pause. "If you could MW, I want you so much". I simply said "OK, I'll see you in twenty minutes..."


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