The party dies

The door opened as I approached and I could see she was only wearing a loosely tied bathrobe. She took my hand and led me down the stairs to where we had lived for a while, and when my feet touched the floor she pulled my clothes off and dropped to her knees. Time passed in spasms and I joined her on the carpet and with increasingly extravagant contortions we worked our way to the bed.

With a final triumphant effort I was spent and she spooned herself into my arms. I tried to find peace in the moment but after a while I needed assurance. "Karen?" I whispered, but she seemed to be asleep. I lay awake for a long time and then noticed the cold light in the window.

I got up to go to work and while I was dressing she buried herself in the covers. On the steps I looked back and saw only a spray of hair. I thought of our first night together and the synchronicity of the image gave me hope and I left satisfied.

I didn't have access to a phone at work and had to immediately go to classes afterward, and it was past 4pm when I finally found an unused campus phone. I called but she didn't answer. I attended a couple more classes and called at 7 - still no answer. I drove past her house on the way home and there were no cars and I spent another confused night lying sleepless and hoping the phone might ring.

At work the next day I was paged for a phone call. It was Denise, one of Karen's aunts that I had gotten pretty friendly with. "Hi MW, Karen was here last night and she said she'd seen you. She was a little short on details and I've been worrying about you. I hope you don't mind my calling you at work - I don't know where you are living now. Are you OK? Are you and Karen back together?".

I answered as best I could "I'm not sleeping well, but I'm OK. I don't know what is going on with Karen. I saw her the other night but nothing was resolved. I haven't been able to get in touch with her - no one answers at the house. Where's Bonnie?" (Bonnie was Karen's mom) "Where's Karen?". Denise answered "Bonnie is on a trip with her boyfriend Ron for a couple weeks. Karen was here till about 9 last night and then rushed off. The way she was acting I thought she was going to see you...".

"She didn't see me." I replied "Denise, do you think Karen is OK - do you know what is going on?".

"I think she's OK. I think she is just working through her parents divorce and the problems you two were having. I think she has cold feet and is trying to figure out some things. Have faith MW. She talks about you all the time and it's obvious she loves you. You just need to give her some time."

"I think I can do that..." I choked out. Denise heard the stress and said "She brought Fred around to meet the family and Mom spit at him. After he left we all laughed about it". That made me smile and I felt better. I had always liked Karen's grandma and now I think I loved her. Denise told me I could call her anytime I needed somebody to talk to.

I tried calling Karen several times and never connected. I went to bed that night and finally fell asleep hard at around 1am. At work the next day I was again paged for a phone call, and this time it was Karen "I tried calling you last night and you didn't answer...". I asked "When did you call?" and she replied "Around 2am. I really wanted to see you". I was exasperated "I've been trying to call you since I last saw you, and you never answer!".

She said she'd been at work and school and probably had bumped the phone off the hook, and I didn't really believe it. She seemed hurried to get off the phone and I was worried that I was going to get fired because of the calls, so we hung up after she told me "I want to see you tonight. I'll call you when I get home from work. Please don't miss the call MW".

I stopped by radio shack and picked up the parts to make a gizmo that would buzz and flash a light whenever the phone rang in the other room. The buzzer could wake the dead and at 2am it went off. It was a virtual repeat of the earlier night but this time I wouldn't let her drift off to sleep "Karen, I need to know what is going on!".

"I don't know MW, I just know that I need you and I love you... Everything else is confused".

"What about Fred?" I asked woodenly.

"I don't know about him either. Please MW I can't talk about it - can you let me work this out my way? I just need you to hold me".

I tried to find some calmness in me but fretted as I lay there. I felt sick and didn't know what to do and as she slept in my arms I decided I'd just try to ride it out. I left at dawn in a world turned permanently gray.